Tag Archives: Kimberly Guilfoyle

Fox’s RED EYE – Worst Television Show

123Friends and neighbors, I like Greg Gutfeld . I’m not quite sure why, but I do. I’m also convinced that if someone threw the right amount of money at him, he would instantly transform himself into whatever you desired – a Democrat, a country singer, magazine editor (which he was) or clown (some say e already is).  He is, most definitely, a fair-weather libertarian “sort-of” conservative.

He is one of those men that other men ask themselves, how in the hell did this guy find his way out of a dorm room? If there is anyone on cable television that would fit perfectly in the role of court jester back in merry ole England, this guy is it. Fast forward to modern day and apparently to remain on television he must “have” something on FOX chief  Roger Ailes.

On FOX very late night, he “hosts” a “show” called “Red Eye”. He appears as Joe Franklin’s evil little nephew. Look it up. He claims to be married, but to many straight men, he blips on their gay-dar.  I don’t care about his sexual preference, but his on air costume includes cheap boys department tweed jackets, baby blue lace up sneakers and beige Haband leisure trousers. Sadly, his father never taught him how to put properly put on a tie. Every on air “appearance” looks like his aunt has forced him to dress for Sunday school. His latest “schtick” includes wearing small orange-red reading glasses on the very edge of his nose.

So, it’s late at night and you’re up for whatever reason and you’re trying to find something – anything – to look at on 1350 channels of broadcast garbage. There is nothing to order on QVC or HSN and the few free movie channels are repeating violent mindless crap. You despise moronic truckers driving on ice or crack head crab Alaskan fisherman pushing the limits of OSHA rules. Any real news is nonexistent. Rachel Maddow is asleep and CNN or MSNBC are swirling the drain of irrelevancy with updates about Syria or Egypt. NBC News, for the third time, is reporting how former president Bush senior has shaved his head for Cancer. FOX, not the entertainment side, the news “division”, is always good for a laugh, and so you come upon Red Eye.

laurensivan2This is where right wing nutjobs suffering from insomia can fully fulfill their Obama bashing, Benghazi, Hillary hating needs. I have to repeat myself, I like Gutfeld. He has a high enough quirky factor and, unlike Eric Bolling, who wears women’s underwear and is an angry, somewhat (speaking of irrelevant) pathetic human being, makes me smile when he talks. He is honestly quite clever in a sort of SNL – Vanity Fair way, which is where he probably belongs. But, who would be on call to give Ailes a cheap laugh (BJ?) all at the same time. Roger modeling himself after J. Edgar and Greg thinking, anytime during sex, of Bill Clinton? Yes, it is confusing, but then so is the entire success of Fox News and “personalities” like Gutfeld.

RogerAilesI have watched Red Eye – no – I have fast forwarded – through Red Eye three times. It was always painful. Red Eye is the noodling of entertainment news analysis. Did I say it was painful? Oh yeah. Gutfeld stands up on the side of a discarded TGI Friday’s bar table presiding over typically about four or five other  fellow jesters – on what else – bar stools. Soon after the opening few words of Gutfeld as Veruca Salt, all reality of what should be FOX News – ANY news – disappears, along with any entertainment value, unless, of course, if you are high. Drunk won’t cut it, you need to smoke or snort something to cope with what comes next.

A dude named Andy Levy, with a far better spray tan than Gutfeld, does the “Pregame Report.” This “segment” is pathetic. This is sheer wannabe Comedy Channel quasi political broadcasting burlesque. Red Eye then “focuses” in on the panel. The night I “tuned” in there was Dan Bova, the very strange looking editor of Maxim Magazine, Tony Cumia from the Howard Stern satellite radio farm team, Bill Shultz who appears to be on some sort of family release from Bellevue and the on-call book end skirt, Kayleigh McEnany.

444Somewhere between Washington, DC and New York, FOX News has a warehouse of human female pods, all numbered. #38 is McEnany, #16 is Andrea Tantaros, #24 is Kimberly Guilfoyle – you get the idea. When FOX producers need a leggy female, most of whom have been screwed by some Progressive – which is why they’re Conservatives -  to serve as a bookend on one of the many FOX News shows 24/7, they press the number of the next pod in line and that female is dispatched by town car to the set. Many are lawyers.

The other night I watched, #24 Kim Giulfoyle (a former SFO prosecutor) was the Red Eye table end skirt. Kim, all dolled up as usual as a Vegas call girl, with those huge fake eyelashes, support hose, her law degree and ridiculously high heels on, was either falling asleep or saying to herself, when can I get the hell off this Titanic – this horrible political un-comedy farce.  #38, McEnany is a cute girl, but otherwise useless as an entertainer or talking head. I feel sorry for these women, but as Roger wants, you must do, even if it’s sit there at 3am when you’d rather been home in your jammies with your cat.

Perhaps this is experimental television, some NYU live internet undergraduate broadcasting class. At some point in his early life, Gutfeld must have made a pact with the Devil. He was given the path to success if and only if he chose one of three directions.  The first was to go Christian.  He declined. Second was to go country – part of that “if I was a redneck” comedy tour. He would get a mini-mansion in Branson and his CD sold at Wal-Mart. He said no. The third and last option was to be a right wing whining Progressive hater. You will be a Republican clown and do a show called Red Neck, sorry, Red Eye. He accepted. Listen, the show is terrible, just don’t waste your time or your DVR with it. Gutfeld himself is talented, and he’s getting a nice payday from this gig and also appearing on The Five, but better things are in his future. Hopefully soon, for everyone’s sake.

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