You expect yourself, if ambitious, to be just that all the time. It is not a choice. Your ambition drives or feeds your ambition. People with ambition know of the “swell” that occurs inside you when the “aggressive” chemicals that make up your individual physiology align. Unambitious people don’t have a clue what this is like. The man that secures a job out of high school as a train conductor – his father was also most likely a train conductor – will remain at that same job for 40 years, retire and feel a sense of utter satisfaction that no ambitious person is possibly capable of. The ambitious person has to become the head conductor, then the supervisor, the director of conductors, the vice-president of customer service, the executive vice president of operations and eventually the president of the damn railroad.

Personally, I never wanted to be ambitious. My father was terribly ambitious. He drove himself until he had a heart attack at age 55 and died.  I wanted to be everything unlike him. My brother is ambitious. He has some trouble with it also. I keep trying to somehow will it away. To relabel it in my head as annoying and an untrustworthy emotion. I’ve tried, as Dr. Jeffrey M Schwartz, MD outlines in his book Brainlock to not only reclassify but re-attribute, refocus and revalue my ambitious drive. It has not worked. And unfortunately, the older I’ve become the more intense my ambition has become. The dilemma is to be somehow fulfill ambition despite the ring of opportunities closing in around you because of discrimination and stereotypes.

Let’s be clear about something. Ambition does not equal success. It can cloud judgment and force mistakes, both professionally and personally. There are gobs of unsuccessful ambitious people. Understand also that as uber ambitious as you think you are, there are others who are nine times as ambitious. Combine ambition and talent – look at someone like a Beyonce or Jamie Foxx or Bill Clinton – and the scope of their ambition can be light years ahead of the typical individual. On the other hand, many have squelched their ambition in order to fit in, adapt or be part of some organization or group. You can easily be ambitious and high frustrated.

Ambition also tends to generate luck, which is a key element in success. Would you not agree that if you not seeking something by being ambitious, the tendency for luck to come your way is far less? By the same token, being in the right place at the right time, a component of luck, appears to happen more for those who are ambitious than not. Ambitious people in order to be successful also need to have a good deal of political acumen in order to manipulate their way around other ambitious people. The expression lead, follow or get out of the way comes to mind.

I personally am tired of being ambitious. You might say I’m too ambitious for my own good. At the high level of ambition that I operate at it is difficult to be around “normal” people. Ambition people like me tend to operate better sequestered – outside of the box – way outside the box. After several careers, some successful, others not, I have chosen to write. I’m an ambitious writer, not quite knowing what that means or how to channel it. I’m in transition from one ambitious state to another. Trust me, it is very stressful. I’ve traded abusive demanding unreasonable bosses for me. I’m killing myself. It’s like slow suicide. Some say anger is driving my ambition. Maybe, maybe not. It’s three days into the new year and I’m way behind on my New Year’s resolutions! Will successfully freelancing and being published make me any less ambitious – I unfortunately don’t think so. Wish me luck.

When my wife and I recognize well behaved children our eyes meet and we know what we’re thinking. In a restaurant a few months ago, there was a table with a single mother (or grandmother) and three well behaved kids. I had to stop by the table and compliment them all. With that I have come full circle from a well behaved child to a well behaved adult that now recognizes and rewards good behavior by well behaved kids with seemingly intelligent well behaved parents. What a concept.

Without any doubt, the problem is bad parents. Not being a sociologist or psychologist, I cannot tell you why this is happening, but it is. Think for a moment about bad or rude behavior. Not signaling a turn or lane change, not responding with a thank you when someone holds the door open for you, throwing money on the counter – not handing it to the sales clerk, honking at the car in front of you when the light just turned green. What about making an obscene gesture at someone, going through a 10 only line with 25 items, spraying the toilet seat, not washing your hands or brushing your teeth. All bad behavior, right?

What about your children screaming in public? Letting your child walk around without supervision disturbing a meeting ignoring their touching or throwing items around the room? What about a parent allowing their child to annoy passengers on a plane, train or cruise ship? How about how a parent not dealing with the tired, hungry, cranky insanely out of control screaming child in a grocery store? There are the parents who drag their children through malls like dogs that refuse to walk. Parents wheeling older children in strollers because they’re too unmotivated or lazy to get up. How can we forget about the child or children in a restaurant mirroring the behavior of a wild jungle chimpanzees?

What what the hell are these parents thinking? Are they ignorant, lazy, uncaring of others around them or all of those. It places those effected by this negative behavior in an uncomfortable position to take action and voice their concern either to the parents directly or to a waiter, flight attendant or store manager. 2013 and the world is still not a “Montessori” place. I seriously doubt it will ever be. But discipline is a very lost art. A wack on the behind is not child abuse, it is smart parenting. Adult behavior has consequences, then so should child behavior. But, there seems to be some sort of psychological and physical “governor” on “positioning” children to behave well and properly.

Sure, kids are cute and need a safe environment complete with unconditional love and support. But that does not translate into not controlling, training and TEACHING your child how to behave. I’m a traditionalist. I am a firm believer that children up until around the age of 16 should be seen and NOT heard. That “cone of silence” is the family opportunity to mold this child or their children into decent law abiding people that should become responsible adults. Parents not functioning as parents is just too prevalent now for anyone’s good. Teachers have sadly taken on the role as parents with parents unclear as to what they need to do between school hours.

Dare I mention family values? It shouldn’t bother you. I’m not asking parents to dress up and go to church on Sunday or shun gays and mixed marriages. I am asking that parents be reborn, not into religion, but into parenting. My parents, when they had a question about behavior, would consult Dr. Spock’s Baby & Child Care book. What do parents do in 2013? Sit the kid in front of the Disney channel or Nickelodeon? Wait for inspiration from Dr. Oz or Phil? Who are the parents modeling? Reality television or Grey’s Anatomy? None of that is working.

There seems to be an arrogance, an accepted level of stupidity on the part of today’s parents. So many people are bothered by it but accept it. Will the next generation be even worse? Just whose role or responsibility is to to judge, correct and teach these “parents” differently? The parents parents are certainly not doing it. Most of the institutions that used to do this are gone or are not listened to any longer. So perhaps it has to be a sort of ground swell effort on all our parts to start re-positioning parents on how to parent. I can’t lay it all on teachers, but since they have the primary interface with parents and their kids, they must be in the forefront. Perhaps we can begin by (again) recognizing their importance in society and immediately start training and compensating them better. It’s a good start.

That which, despite what the mainstream media tells us, we have not recovered from. What has arisen from the economic ashes is a new but most definitely not better world of far less opportunity for what has traditionally been referred to as the middle class.

If there was a traditional norm of employment, it has disappeared. It is far worse for people 50+. Long ago those afflicted by Leprosy were known as the untouchables. With their significant business and life experience the “pool” of 50+ human resources are, in the minds of companies and hiring managers, sadly both untouchable and expendable. No group, organization or association such as AARP or any government agency or Congress has adequately focused in on this situation nor has proposed a short or long term solution. The money and dynamic for a national retraining program is nonexistent.

If there is any solution it must come directly from the efforts of the people effected in the form of entrepreneurship, innovation and creativity. Many do not possess those skills. One does what one has to do. By that I mean that a 50+ year old person, in order to pay his or her bills and survive, can most likely secure a job at a supermarket bagging groceries or become a door greeter or cashier at a local Wal-Mart. One might work at a craft store, delivering pizza for Domino’s or do handy work for an rental apartment complex. Those are all decent honorable ways to earn a living. However, for many, that ($8/hr)  is 1/3 what they used to make, and there is little financial or advancement incentive associated with those positions.

The earnings from those types of jobs put people just above the poverty line certainly well below what used to considered middle class.  I spoke with a part-time cashier at Target, without any benefits, who concurrently held two other jobs to keep her car and home. Someone, who at 50+ has the desire do other things in their life, as those under 50+ do, now find themselves facing a difficult hurdle, no, mountain, trying to secure jobs that will enable them achieve those goals. The economy as a whole cannot grow with people not prospering.

If you have read the job ads online or in the traditional way – a newspaper – you will see that many “good” paying salaried jobs with health insurance and other benefits typically require someone with 1-3 years experience. Many require technical expertise that is difficult to find in all segments of the population. Such training would cost $7500+ to attend an accredited school to obtain those skills and there are no grants or loans available. There is only so much someone with 25-40 years of experience can mask and have their resume considered. Human resources managers insultingly refer to them as boomers, seniors, oldsters and with other discriminatory stereotypical labels. Both personnel and operations managers don’t have the necessary business acumen to know how to integrate 50+ workers in a company.

I’m also both amused and angry at the Tony Robbins wanna-bee “gurus” who sell their services online as (a combination-pack) social media strategists and career coaches.  They pray on the 50+ that are seeking to transition into a better job. I believe prayer works better. These “unprofessionals”  in another earlier era would travel around in an old bus and set up revival tents to shout the jobs devil down and out for a donation or try and sell you their magic employment oil or cure all juice.  You cannot think your way out of poverty or unemployment. Visualization only goes so far. In this new world of utter uncertainty, the 50+ individual has to essentially declare his or own personal war against defeat and pull out all the stops to achieve economic security. It has to be a take no prisoners approach to creating some (legal) income generating situation.

Horrible. Getting worse. Predictable. Who are these actors? When is it on? So many commercials? Why so loud? Was that the news? Another repeat? This is television . Like Twitter and other social media it has been commercialized and bastardized way past the point of everyone’s comfort zone. It is downright annoying. It has seriously jumped the shark. 

There are few alternatives. It’s not as though you can sit down with a “good” magazine – they are equally as annoying. Less intelligent content and pages filled with anorexic men and girls in ridiculous fashions designed for the wealthy to wear on other planets. Most content is pointless and tweet-like. The “articles” amateurishly written about fluff mostly by journalist wanna-bees. The art of editing seems to have died. Just like television. 

I couldn’t care less what the large audience for prime time talent shows featuring celebrity judges in spinning chairs is. I ignore the ridiculous claims of the networks that EVERY one of their shows is hit, obviously far from it. The pronouncement that Joe Schmo from some blockbuster movie is executive producing a new television series is meaningless to me. And, despite the supposed law just passed that commercials must be the same volume as the programs they’re advertising on, they’re definitely not. One of the worst commercials of the season was by Target. A strange nerd-like “man” – a “weirdo” – was screaming into a red telephone announcing a sale. Creativity has been replaced by college fraternity antics and shouting. Pathetic. 

Whether it’s produced by the broadcast networks or cable – reality, drama, comedy or something else – what is being fed to us is garbage. This trash comes and goes split up unevenly and unexpectedly though the year in fake “seasons” with ridiculous mindless cliff hangers in the form of airplane and car crashes, terminal illnesses or gun or bomb violence. How many times did a show end and you asked yourself if one or more of the characters managed to negotiate a new contract for another season on the program? Will he recover from the heart attack on the beach? Give us a break. Don’t forget many of these actors are pulling down $125K+ per episode. I watched a movie made last year for Hallmark or Lifetime and had no idea who the actors were.

Have you tried to watch a movie on AMC or Oprah’s Oxygen not-for-prime-time network? Did you think you would ever see fifteen or more commercials in a row? The originally movie was a hour and forty-five minutes long but due to the insertion of incessant commercials it has been stretched out to three hours. I tried watching a movie on Bravo and saw the same Stouffer’s meatloaf commercial over and over and over. You wonder if these people have lost their minds. By the way, is there anyone who can figure out when The Actor’s Studio is on?

I’m not going to dwell on reality programming. None of it is worth our time or attention. There is absolutely no value in it. The news is just about in the same ballpark. Without a doubt, the best thing to happen to television is the DVR. When my ability to fast forward through commercials is thwarted in any way, I avoid that program. In the case of The Good Wife on CBS, during the football season, nobody has a clue as to when the show begins. It could be 9, fifteen minutes past the hour or later or not on at all. Screw that. The next morning, you can watch the latest episode online with limited or no commercial interruptions.

That is how television should be, no, let me correct myself, it’s how it must be. Same with movies. Forget new releases, pseudo seasons, cliffhangers, premiers. There is no way I’m going to drive to a movie theatre to purchase a Tom Cruise movie or worse – garbage like Django Unchained or The Guilt Trip. We all agree those are guaranteed a quick trip to DVD city. But, I just might watch such “products” on demand for 1/2 the price vs. going out to the movies. With a late night show like Craig Ferguson’s, I go to YouTube, select the segment I prefer and watch that – never the entire program. It’s all about what “I” want to see, how “I” want to see it and when.

Television is dying. The craft of good advertising had faded away. “TV” is a mature industry nearly in dinosaur land. It is slow to adapt. Lack of innovation and acceptance of their fate has lead to loss of audience and disinterest. It’s the same ‘ole – same ‘ole rehashed. It’s as if Congress is managing the television AND movie business. There is a next great revolution waiting in the wings and what are now multi-platforms of how television and movies are viewed will be different AND better. That change sadly should have occurred 5-10 years ago. We wait with open arms.

Photo credits - econsultancy.com and mattsko

To distance ourselves from the tourists, we drove South to Indian Rocks Beach. We know a small street with available free parking about 50 yards from the beach. There was no sun out, the water was calm, no wind, quite a change from the last time we were here and the sand hurt the bottom of our feet as the temperature soared toward 100 degrees. We walked along the water for about a 1/2 mile, turned around and headed back home. A woman came up to me and asked if I would take a photograph of her family on vacation and I was happy to comply. Why me I don’t know, there were plenty of other folks walking along – perhaps because I was holding my professional looking Pentax or maybe I just appeared friendly and or safe.

After dinner we drove around in search of Christmas light displays, but with the economy still in the dumps and the “fiscal cliff” looming over everyone’s head few homes put out anything. I found it depressing. The three or four displays we did find were over the top with the home owners obviously making this a priority in their lives and possessing the financial resources and time to erect such elaborate exhibitions. In front of our home we have a Santa “family” that arises with hot air when you plug it in. It also lights up. At the time we bought it a year ago I thought $60 was extravagant at Wal-Mart, but it’s fun and I don’t believe being “dark” at Christmas. When my son was younger he took the time to light up our house, but he works a 60+ week and spends most of this free time attempting to recharge his batteries.

We all enjoyed watching the lousy weather up North and throughout the Mid West with the temperature here in the 70′s. I spent far to many years driving around in that mess wishing I were home for Christmas. And now I am and very grateful. I continue to read “American Wife” by Curtis Sittenfeld when I go to bed.

Photo credit: CHARLIE NEIBERGALL / THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

One of the smartest things I did for myself – before the “holiday” was to join Weight Watchers. I’ve lost weight before, but have not been able to keep it off. I can’t remember how long ago it was but there was a moment in time that I stood in front of a mirror and I thought I looked amazing. I was wearing a black Speedo bathing suit that fit just right. My goal was to to fit into a waist 38 button fly pair of jeans and I did just that. Through a combination of running and a strict diet and a job that was physically demanding, I lost weight. I also happened to be, at the time, separated from my wife and we were living on opposite coasts of Florida. The story is sp familiar, but when we got back together, I gained all the weight back and more. No excuses, just decided I wanted to eat  what I wanted when I wanted, which was pretty much all the time. I stopped caring. I was committing slow suicide. This continued through other life “events” and I ballooned near 350 pounds – then joined Weight Watchers.

After careful consideration, I have decided to no longer “participate” in either Twitter or Facebook. In the case of Twitter, I very unexpectedly had my account suspended for “aggressive” behavior. At the time, I was adding @writers to my followers list. Someone named WillZhou inside Twitter was “watching” me do what I was doing. He or she decided that it was vital to shut me down. Similar has occurred on Facebook. The whole “affair” is childish and was actually interfering with my creative process and my ability to publish posts. Apparently both social media platforms find the need to ignore vile language and messages from right and left wing nut jobs and go after users who desire more followers. It’s insane and I’ve washed my hands of the all of it.

Our server is the lovely Melissa. I order a Smirnoff Bloody Mary, my wife a Black Russian. Guacamole and chips for starters. Many bartenders in Tampa Bay are clueless when it comes to a Black Russian – my wife, Christine, usually sends it back or gives up and switches to an ice tea. The bartender tonight was spot on with both drinks – my wife gave her drink the thumbs up and my BM was excellent with two large green olives. The only thing that would have make it even more perfect would have been a celery stick and a large freshly peeled shrimp.

My son ordered the shrimp Fajita, my wife the Cuban Torta and for me, the special, fresh tuna Nachos. Christine and I shared Apple Empanda. The coffee was served warm.

I would return just to have another Bloody Mary. The tuna was excellent and would like the opportunity to try another one of their specials. I would order both the Empanda and try their version of a Banana Split.

The cost for 3 was $70.62 without the tip. I would prefer the service just a tad faster, the coffee hotter and more napkins brought to the table. Overall, I rate the experience a “B”.

Table 78/1

12/15/2012

6:07pm

#70053

Sonny’s is a place for pre-retirement, working class, Harley owning traditionally middle class people. Very much a similar crowd that you would find on a Carnival cruise to Mexico or the Caribbean. It is cuisine KISS style – simple no nonsense beans, slaw and rib stuff. For $13.99 you can stuff you face off with a sampler BBQ plate with corn bread. After 15 years of being an over the road trucker, I felt right at home here. The only things missing were the chrome shop and showers. 

Straight away we were quickly seated in a booth that was comfortable. Booths – real ones – are fading away like comfortable airline seats. How many places on earth can you sit and not be squashed? Greyhound bus? No way. McDonald’s? You’re kidding. Doctor’s waiting room? Nope. Finding a decent booth in restaurants these days is rare and most of us opt to sit in chairs, which in many cases are worse than the booths. Prime example is the nasty evil trend of deli’s and diners to use plastic Home Depot type colored lawn “chairs”. 

My wife, Chris, ordered a Black Russian. We are NOT beer drinkers – I would say 99% of Sonny’s patrons order a Bud Light. She needed a drink. Yes, we are well aware that this was not the place to order a cocktail, but she – we – were desperate. It was two for one happy hour or it’s your lucky day or something. Our waiter, Bob, asked if we wanted both drinks combined – one large glass, small glass, tall – short? Chris looked at Bob and said “traditional”. Poor man was utterly confused. They negotiated a “whatever” and to the “bartender” the request went. 

I got a large “trucker” sized diet Coke. Screw you Mayor Bloomberg. Chris got her “drink” – a biege cream Russian. The “bartender” thought it best to add Bailey’s Irish Creme to what might have been something resembling a BLACK Russian. Chris demanded the horribly defective “drink” be removed from the table and replaced by an ice tea – trucker sized as well.

Since we decided not to take part in the $3.99 all you can eat salad bar, we waited “patiently for our meal. Chris ordered the $12.99 Baby Back Rib Platter and I the SUPER $13.99 combo. Being the cheapskate that I am, I felt Bob should have comp’d Chris’ $2.29 ice tea because of the Bailey’s Irish Creme almost Black Russian screw-up, but then “whatever”.

I want to “stress” that we were having a lousy day. We just pulled in this place. We took a chance. The last time we ate here – not this location – was about 22 years ago and it was horrible. But, we needed refuge from the maddening crowd. We needed simple comfort food. So guess what? We got it. From the time we walked in, the environment was easy, friendly and accomodating. Whoever is the manager here is doing an outstanding job. Bob, our waiter was amazing. And that’s exactly what Chris and I needed – great attitude, experienced, didn’t run away and hide after the food was brought to the table and had an equally excellent server backing him up.

The food was hot, tasty and most definitely BBQ. It was delicious.The slaw, beans, ribs and corn bread were fresh and tasty. On the table were 4 different BBQ sauces, plenty of large napkins and hand/face wipes. I had BBQ chicken on my “sampler” plate that was excellent. Surprisingly not greasy. Neither of us needed to go boxes. We had no room for “dessert”. $33.77 was the total. Taking the entire “experience” into consideration, our moods and how a restaurant can temporarily insert some joy into your life – I give Sonny’s an “A”. 

Table 504/1 10/20/2012 4:25PM 20021 Guests: 2 Server: Bob