mjgruskin.com

I like Anthony Bourdain. I think most men and women do. I’ve read his books and watch him on cable television. He reminds me of my Uncle Chester in personality, height and looks. Like my Uncle, Bourdain would probably say, “And who gives a rats ass.” But slightly below that Bourdain gator skin, I believe exists a really nice guy. A good indicator of that is he’s always nice to kids on the show. As with most of us, push him slightly beyond his comfort level and his tiger comes out.

Bourdain, for me, also brings to mind Craig Ferguson, who does not remind me of my Uncle, but appears very Bourdain-y-ish, both regular no BS kind of renaissance men. I prefer watching these “real men” rather than the current flock of inexperienced unseasoned 20 “somethings” on television who look like they shop in the boy’s department of JC Penney. I’m in my 50’s and we need more Bourdain’s and Fergusons on our radar screens as proof that real men are the core of our society, not the 16-24 demographic.

I’m sure at some point Bourdain and I have crossed paths, in fact, perhaps have stood right next to each other. I was born in Manhattan and had the displeasure of relocating out to Livingston NJ to finish my high school education. Bourdain lived in Leonia, which is Bergen County. I was “down” in Essex County. Arrogant SOB that I am, I don’t believe I ever set foot purposely in Bergen County, other than to go on a date with someone from my therapy group. After seeing the original “Godfather” at a drive-in, we went to a Friendly’s ice cream “shop” for a Reece’s Pieces sundae, somewhere in Bergen County. I never saw her again.

But, like Bourdain, I will never admit to having anything to do with New Jersey. I hated every minute of my existence there. I am and will always be a New Yorker. Among the many hangouts I had, the Papaya King at 86th and 3rd Ave. was probably my favorite. I would make the trip there alone using my NYC school “bus pass” and my family would stop there on the weekends coming home from Jones Beach. All of my other hangouts, like Stark’s on the East Side and Schrafft’s on the West, Bourdain has never mentioned and they have long since disappeared. Outside Schrafft’s, with my mother, is where I heard that President Kennedy was shot.

So, Bourdain heads off to the Culinary Institute of America, the place I wanted to go, but decided not to because the “campus” in Hyde Park looked like something from the “Munster’s” – extremely creepy. I wanted the education, but not there. I desperately wanted to be a cook, not really knowing what a “chef” really did, but the universe had other plans for me. Bourdain did his thing, got involved with evil drugs, wrote a terrific book and became famous and wealthy. I did manage to leave New Jersey, but spent the next 30 years fighting depression and doing this and that before retiring to Florida. So Tony took one road and I took the other.

I caught “No Reservations” simply by accident one night. I was curious why a “travel” show would need a content disclaimer up front. After watching years of the show, I still don’t know why. Now let me clarify something. I’m not some crazed fan that wishes I had Tony’s success. I like Bourdain because he takes his viewers to places most of will never be able to afford to go. I share his SOB understated arrogant edginess. To paraphrase his “MO”, he writes, he travels, he eats and he’s hungry for more. That makes good television, especially at 2am when there is nothing but QVC and a hundred other channels of utter useless crap on.

There are times, though, that I wish Bourdain would just shut up and eat. His has this “strut” when his arms sway back and forth like he’s a chimp walking though a forest searching for a female with a banana. That annoys the hell out of me. I think he stopped smoking, but his being a waist 36 is just not right for a man of his age. Never mind my waist size. Being thin, he can zip line through a forest, bungee cord off a tower, hang glide off a cliff and pretty much fit into any clothes he’s given to fit the occasion. Honestly, that just makes me freak’n jealous. He can keep that Pirates of Penzance black and white striped shirt he wears (in Austria he wore it under a big fluffy sweater which he eventually took off) and those white pair of Beach Boy jeans. I wore a pair like back in high school. He should also never trim his hair short on the sides – it makes it teeth more apparent.

All that minutia aside, Bourdain is fun to watch – he’s good entertainment, consistent with few glitches over the past eight seasons. Bourdain going to Cleveland is just wrong. Both his shows are interestingly educational – easy on the mind. I know more about a pig than I could ever have wanted or imagined. He has ignited my desire to eat very differently, to go against what is common or comfortable. Yes, there are some things, and he says so on his show, that I, as an American, excuse me, New Yorker, would just never eat. It took me fifteen minutes to put a piece of octopus in my mouth once and I never will eat the “ass” of an animal or its eyeballs. I am not a hunter or a butcher, and prefer he leave the weapons and killing aside. But, thanks to Bourdain, I have discovered that I can talk more peacefully to my 24 year old son over Sushi and it’s fine to want a good hot dog and beer late at night, although in Florida, that’s hard to find.

So, Mr. Bourdain, I take my hat off to you, you are a national treasure and you make “our” world a better place. If I saw you way back when at the Papaya King, I’m sorry I didn’t say hello.

Pin It