mjgruskin.com

First of all, let me tell you that I don’t do BS reviews like the Tampa Times or some of other the other local newspapers here. I’m not on the leash of an out of touch editor under pressure to deliver fluff and entertainment to subscribers that really don’t want it. Unless it is relevant to your “experience” as a customer of the particular establishment, I’ll spare you’re the family history of the owner and other useless information and give you what you want to know. That being how was the food, service and what was my overall impression of the place.

So with that said, it was a miserable evening with the rain, flooding and high winds, and my wife and I wanting something yummy. We contemplated Johnny’s which is an Italian place in Clearwater off McMullen Booth or Pickles Plus further down the road. Those are some of our go-to places in bad weather. We are trying to reach out to other restaurants, despite Tampa Bay being a truly bad place for good original inexpensive food. We’ve lived here for 25 years and why the choices are so slim remains a mystery.

We’ve been passing over the years a place called Pete and Shorty’s on US60 in Clearwater. There is a Hooters right next to it. It seemed like a good night to try something different. Big mistake. Pete and Shorty’s claim to offer a “tavern” like atmosphere. I think your damp and musty neighbor’s garage would be more appropriate. It was about 5ish when we walked in and the place was almost empty. I guess we came in through the back – it was hard to tell – and were told to sit anywhere. We found a booth toward the front – or what it the side or the back? Didn’t matter.

This is one of those small wanna be sports “bars” with lots of televisions – large screens, small screens and lots of cute “Popular Mechanics” guy crap all over the walls and ceiling. It must have been 50 degrees – the A/C being wasted on a dark damp day. A tall blond with an extra large chest claimed to be our waitress and was being being (over) shadowed by a small less bustier blond who was her trainee. My wife ordered her usual Black Russian and I an O’Doul’s. We pondered the old greasy menu on top of the table that was covered with old dirty linoleum. It was as we were about to eat on my mother’s 60’s kitchen floor back in New York.

The Black Russian came first. Our waitress said they’re “trying” to find O’Doul’s. My wife said she would wait and I said no, I’ll toast with my fist. Back to the menu. Nothing came out at us as anything special. If this is a place for steak and burgers, you couldn’t tell. They found an O’Doul’s. Nice glass. The server, who has made no suggestions as to what to order for an appetizer or for dinner, seems not to happy to have been a appointed trainer for the evening. Like that’s our problem?

Ok, we’ve decided – good to go. The waitress – Jesus this is a small place – seems to have disappeared. I’ll glance off to one of the televisions and look at some boring sports with no sound. Then the worst. A freak’n baby screams. We wanted to walk out. My wife and I don’t do obnoxious kids or crying babies. It stopped so we decided to stick it out. The “trainee” comes to our table. I could tell immediately she is a better waitress than the busty trainer, our MIA waitress. My wife, Chris orders a “BLT” type sandwich with slaw and I get the 1/2 lb. roasted chicken with slaw, fries and beans.

And the wait begins. This meal has better be good for the shit we’ve had to endure since we walked in. We were in a good mood then. I should have ordered coffee – my eyes are closing. I feel like washing my hands from touching the table.  The folks in front of us, they came in after us, already have their food because they order appetizers. I could have – should have – brought a deck of cards. 20 minutes. It can’t be the sandwich, they must have run over to Publix for Purdue or gone to borrow a bird from Hooter’s.

Ah, here it is, finally. My wife orders an ice tea. Her sandwich is really skimpy – nothing like the huge one you get at Pickles Plus. The mayo is in little packets like the cook is too freak’n lazy to apply it himself. It’s like eating at the food court at the Countryside Mall. The slaw takes like Albertson. My beans came right out a Heinz can. Not enough fries and they are too thin and crispy. The roast chicken is greasy and the BBQ sauce ($.25 extra) in the little plastic hospital pill container is no better than McDonalds. It’s airline food or worse.  Why do people eat here?

The bill for $9.57 comes. $9.57? That’s for the Black Russian and O’Doul’s. The waitress takes her girly pink pen and writes a big smiley face with a thank you. It’s just plain stupid. I flag down the trainee and tell her. Tick tock tick tock, we wait. The trainer comes back and blames the screw up on the trainee. I said the trainee is and will be a better waitress than the trainer. You would think, it this restaurant didn’t have it’s head up it’s ass, that they would offer us 10% off the bill – $33 – or some coffee and  dessert for our honestly. But this is Tampa Bay and the majority of the restaurants here have their heads up their ass.

Pete & Shorty’s gets a “D”. Service was awful and the  food terrible. Go somewhere, anywhere else.

Check #740733-2 Table #21 Time 18:12 Sat. June 23 2012

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